dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think people are normalizing furries
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
