ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
