Need sex. Gaining weight.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
