I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
