You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
