his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
