i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
