Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
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You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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