I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
