Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
