We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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