So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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