Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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