I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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