I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
nutella sex= disaster
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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