U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
