ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
