The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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