Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.