He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.