i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.