There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
