Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
