I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
