Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
