I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
