Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
