Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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