sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
