hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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