i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
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The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices