My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.