Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.