we're chasing vodka with high fives
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.