I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.