Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
