So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
