Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
