yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
