help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
