On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
