I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
