I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
