Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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