community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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