He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
