I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize