My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
