Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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