I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
