I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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