Even the bartender felt bad for me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
