dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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I queefed so loud it echoed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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