Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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