He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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