It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
