we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
