I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
