Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
