update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want to fling myself into the sun
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
