where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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