I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
